


Silence Glows

by Heavenly_Bodies



Series: Silence [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Disability- hearing loss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-16
Updated: 2011-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-26 04:15:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavenly_Bodies/pseuds/Heavenly_Bodies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once again, Merlin saves Arthur’s life, but at what cost and what gain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence Glows

**Author's Note:**

> \- Now let me tell you a little story… Once upon a time, there was a ~~crazy woman~~ Mys who got into a conversation with ~~another crazy woman~~ Myashke about a certain ~~ridiculously hot and mind-numbing~~ [gif](http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s221/mystics_oblivion/hump.gif) and wound up writing [When Words Fail](http://archiveofourown.org/works/278574) inspired by it (the two fics are NOT related in any other way). And as the Mys was literally typing up the last sentence she got a PM from ~~yet another possibly crazy woman~~ Spacii telling her she had been assigned Myashke for the Team Building Exercise, who had the selfsame ~~ridiculously hot and mind-numbing~~ [gif](http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s221/mystics_oblivion/hump.gif) in her prompts… which lead to the Mys’ brain imploding… and then, gods, I don’t believe I went there, but I did- _again_ *head desk*  
>  \- Btb Myashke, ♥ I hate you ♥! ;)  
> \- I mean no disrespect to anyone with direct/intense experience in these matters, I can only base this on my imagination and what little experience ‘ve had.

“He shouldn’t have even been there, Gaius,” Arthur was growling. “That blast was meant for me. What was the fool thinking!?”

“He was protecting you, Sire,” the old physician reminded him gently. He’d forgotten how many times he’d repeated those words to the prince over the past three days.

“Well, he shouldn’t have been.” The prince looked down to where Merlin lay still and unconscious on his small bed. Arthur made an abstract note to have a proper mattress brought up for him, Merlin didn’t deserve to sleep on a bare cot. “He’s going to be alright, isn’t he, Gaius?”

“I hope so, Sire.”

Arthur watched the slow rise and fall of his manservant’s chest. Merlin had to be alright, there wasn’t any other option.

Gaius laid a gentle hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “We’ll know more once he wakes up. He’s a very resilient young man.”

Arthur nodded, “Thank you, Gaius. I must attend my father, but you will send word the moment he wakes.”

“Of course, Arthur.”

He gave the old man a quick nod then bent down and brushed back Merlin’s fringe, whispering, “You won’t get out of your chores this easily, so you’d best get back to me, idiot." _I need you_ , he thought to himself.

\------

Merlin came to in a haze, everything felt fuzzy and liquid. “Gaius?” he called, or thought he had, he shook his head trying to get his world to settle. “Gaius?” a touch of panic rushing through him, when his voice was silent again. He tried to calm down, there was a perfectly good explanation. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. A moment later his eyes flew open- he couldn’t hear the noises of the castle, no birds on his sill, no clatter of footsteps in the corridor, no voices, none of the noises that normally filtered up to him from the city below, no sound at all. A fresh wave of panic flooded him and he began to yell for Gaius in near hysteria. He felt a gush of air, his bed dip almost violently, and a hand grip his arm. He must have closed his eyes in his panic because they opened to see Arthur, his lips moving soundlessly. Merlin shook his head, “I can’t,” he choked out, “I can’t hear.”

Arthur’s face paled as his relief over Merlin’s waking was replaced by the weight of the words his friend had just spoken. “Merlin?” he asked, hoping the young man was having a bad joke on him, but Merlin’s frightened eyes told him he wasn’t. “Okay.” His hand automatically went to hold the side of Merlin’s head. “It’ll be okay.” He pulled the other man into his arms. “Gauis will know what to do, he can fix this.” Though he didn’t know if his assurances were for the man in his arms or himself, and sharp jab of pain rain through his heart realizing Merlin couldn’t hear him regardless. “Stupid, stupid, loyal, idiot.” He laid his cheek against Merlin’s dark head. “It was meant for me,” he said to the world.

When Gaius returned a good hour later, Arthur was still gently petting Merlin’s hair as the other man dozed in his arms.

“Arthur?” Gaius’ face was full of concern as he approached the prince. “Has something happen?”

Arthur opened his eyes slowly and raised his head to look at the old physician.

Gaius barely stopped himself from falling back at the puffy red-rimmed eyes of his Prince. He rushed to their side, but Arthur’s outstretched hand stopped him before he could jostle Merlin and wake him. He pointed at the small stool that sat beside the young man’s bed.

“Arthur, you must let me see him?” Gaius tried to calm and reason with the obviously distraught prince.

“Yes, Gaius, but not just yet,” Arthur’s voice was tight, apprehensive, and cold. “He woke up earlier. I heard him calling for you. He was almost hysterical.”

“It’s good you were able to calm him, Sire. It’s not uncommon for someone who has suffered this kind of injury to be disoriented when they wake; I wish I had been here.”

Arthur tried to smile, of course Gaius would be worrying about not being here when Merlin awoke, and on some level Arthur wished he had been as well. But on another he was glad he was able to be here for Merlin when he needed him; Merlin was always there for him. “It was more than that, Gaius.” Arthur bit his lip. “He said he couldn’t hear.”

Despite already being seated, Gaius seemed to collapse where he sat. “Are you certain?”

“You didn’t see his face, Gaius.” Arthur absently stroked along Merlin’s back. “He was scared. Of all the things we’ve faced together, all the times we thought we weren’t coming back,” he looked into Gaius’ eyes, “I’ve never seen him that scared. I’ll be happy if I never see it again.”

Gaius squeezed Arthur’s arm, “It’s entirely possibly it’s only temporary and his sense will return with time, but we should prepare. Even if his hearing loss is short term he will need help until it returns.”

“He’s to have anything he requires, you know that Gaius.”

“Sire, I appreciate your feelings, but your father-”

“-will answer to me in this.” Arthur glowered.

“Yes, Sire.” The old man stood to leave, “Call me if he wakes.”

Arthur nodded and waited for the door to Merlin’s small room to close. He pulled back slowly and looked into Merlin’s bright, very awake, blue eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell him I was awake?”

Arthur smiled softly and shook his head. “You didn’t want me to,” he said hoping Merlin could understand the sentiment if not the words. It seemed to work because the other man smiled sadly and buried his head in Arthur’s chest once again.

“I’m not up to being prodded just yet.”

Arthur chuckled, only his Merlin. “Hey,” he said, puffing his chest out to force Merlin to look at him. “You can’t hide from Gaius forever.” He felt like a bit of an idiot pointedly shaking his head and gesturing towards the outer room where Gaius was waiting for Merlin to wake up. But it was worth it when Merlin understood him and he felt a little less helpless, which was absurd considering it was Merlin who was hurt.

“I know, but,” he pulled himself closer to Arthur, settling once more in his embrace and not caring how much of a girl he was being or how much he might be exposing of himself or how much Arthur was going to lord this over him later, “let me have a few more minutes.”

Arthur was more than happy to oblige, holding Merlin close, he tried not to worry at Merlin’s calm, and promising himself he would not be far off in case Merlin broke down again- something he was all too certain he would do. He’d been through enough battles and seen enough injuries, where men lost hands, arms, legs, and no matter how strong or brave they were, they always broke down at some point, often more than once, and Arthur imagined losing a sense so suddenly would be much the same.

Arthur stayed while Gaius examined Merlin, using strange devices to look into his ears pressing fingers against his skull trying to locate all the bruised, cracked, and sore areas. With a huff Gaius finally pulled away, “There doesn’t seem to be any life-threatening damage, though your skull is cracked seven ways to Sunday, but that should heal itself. You’ll need to be careful for the next few days at least,” he explained; more for Arthur’s benefit than Merlin’s as he grabbed a piece of parchment and scribbled out his findings and his orders and handed it to Merlin.

“And his hearing?” Arthur asked.

Merlin watched Gaius with interest as he answered the prince, he might be deaf, but he wasn’t stupid, he knew what Arthur had asked about he could almost see the words formed as they left his lips. It was almost as disconcerting as the lack of sound.

“I don’t know, Sire.” He turned to Merlin to make sure he knew he was involved in the conversation, “There’s nothing in the state of his injuries that would keep it from returning. Only time will tell.” He offered Merlin a sad, but encouraging smile.

Arthur walked to the doorway, checking the halls quickly before closing the door.

“Sire?” Gaius asked, his brow furrowing.

He folded his arms across his chest, he would rather have had this conversation under different circumstance, but needs drive. “What about his magic? Can you heal yourself?”

“Sire!” Gaius exclaimed ready to defend Merlin.

Merlin merely watched Arthur carefully, he knew Arthur had just asked about magic, and between his directing the last part of his question at him and Gaius’ reaction, he could guess exactly what Arthur had asked. He swallowed, but looked Arthur in the eyes as his confession rolled off his tongue. “I’ve tried.”

“Gaius?”

Sighing, the old man admitted, "So far, I have found nothing.”

Arthur nodded. “Alright. You’ll keep looking?”

“Of course,” Gaius almost snapped as if it was the most ridiculous idea he’d ever heard.

“Good.”

“Arthur?” Merlin asked, hesitantly.

The prince’s eyes softened, “We’ll talk about it later. Though it goes without saying that you are an ass and a fool for not telling me.”

Merlin simply smiled.

“Gaius, a word.”

The physician stood and followed Arthur to a corner of his workroom.

“I want to be sent for the moment he…” Arthur didn’t know how to finish the sentence, no words seemed right, Merlin wasn’t the type to break apart or crack, no matter what Arthur said, and it felt foreign to speak the words.

Gaius merely nodded. “He will need someone.” Gaius was a wise man and didn’t need to say more for the true meaning to be understood.

“Thank you, Gaius.” He smiled a sad half smile. As they came back around to where Merlin sat waiting, Arthur’s smile grew to a full one before he schooled his features into those of ‘Prince Arthur’. “I must return to my duties,” he said without preamble. “Gaius. Merlin,” he put as much sarcasm as he could muster into the word drawing out the first syllable.

It must have worked because Merlin smiled, and called him, “ _Sire_ ,” with an equal amount of disrespect.

When the prince had left, Gaius turned to Merlin. “What’s say we see if we can find a better way to talk?”

\------

Arthur was sitting at his desk attempting to finish the paperwork he’d neglected that morning in favour of being with Merlin, when the knock came.

“Enter.”

“Sire,” a young woman bowed, “Gaius sent me.”

It was all he could do not to shoot up out of his chair at the physician’s name, but he knew it wouldn’t do for the Prince to seem so jolted.

“He said he has need of you.”

“Ah, thank you, Lyra.” Arthur had to hide a chuckle when she blushed at being called by name, something he never would have done before Merlin. As soon as her steps echoed away down the corridor Arthur was out of his chambers and headed to the physician’s.

The door to Merlin’s room was ajar and he could see Gaius sitting on Merlin’s bed just as he had been earlier. He eased in quietly and knelt on the other side of the bed, where Merlin lay curled in on himself. He laid a hand on Merlin’s back and called his name on instinct.

Merlin flinched away.

“Merlin, come on, look at me,” he pulled on Merlin’s shoulder to turn him over.

“No!” he snapped and pulled away.

Arthur let his fingers brush through his manservant’s hair. “Merlin,” he purred. “How long has he been like this?” he asked Gaius.

“Half an hour at most,” Gaius told him.

“Could you?” Arthur asked quietly, he didn’t like asking Gaius to leave them, but he also was comfortable being so open with the man hovering protectively.

Gaius smiled and pat Merlin’s shoulder, “I’ll leave you to it, call if you need anything.”

As soon as Gaius was gone, Arthur took up his position, still combing his fingers through his dark hair.

“Useless,” Merlin muttered, finally looking at Arthur.

“What are you on about?”

“You’re the one who’s always saying how useless I am… now you’re right,” he half snapped, half whined and closed his eyes burying his head against his pillow.

“Merlin,” he waited for the young man to look at him. “You are about as far from useless as I am from peasantry.” He only hoped the idea got across.

“How can I protect you? It’s not like you’ll take me with you anymore, I’ll be lucky if you let me serve you at all.”

“What? Where did you get an idea like that?”

Merlin stared at Arthur. He couldn’t have just said what he thought he had, but the incredulous expression was unmistakable. “I’ll only be a liability. You wouldn’t ride a wounded steed, or hunt with a maimed hound.”

“Merlin, you are neither a horse, nor a hound,” he assured the other man, “they would show me more respect,” he teased, before realizing that it would be hard for him to understand. And judging by the confused look Merlin was giving him, he was right. Smiling, he stroked Merlin’s cheek. “We’ll find a way.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Merlin’s. “I won’t be without you,” he promised.

Merlin made a small whimpering noise and closed his eyes just feeling Arthur- his hand on his cheek, the calloused scrap as his thumb stoked along his skin, the warmth of his forehead pressing heavy against his, the way Arthur’s body leaned over him, almost protectively. He let out a shaky breath only to have it brush back across his lips as it bounced off Arthur’s skin.

Arthur chuckled and began to move away.

Merlin’s hand snapped up, moving quicker than Arthur would ever have given him credit for, grabbing his arm, “Stay,” Merlin murmured, barely a sound on its own.

Arthur though about what Merlin was asking, and what staying would mean to him. It was all rather pointless when he was already nodding his answer. He let Merlin curl around him as he made himself as comfortable as he could on the edge of Merlin’s bed, his fingers already seeking the warmth of Merlin’s dark hair.

\---

> They were alone in the forest, a day out hunting, nothing more. Arthur just wanted to get out of the castle. Merlin had been following Arthur as quietly as he could, a hard task with no point of reference, but Arthur didn’t seem to mind. The bandits came from nowhere, descending on them from both sides and the trees themselves. Merlin was lost, he could see Arthur fighting, his movements sure and fluid, and he whispered the words that knocked two of his assailants to the ground unconscious, but he had no warning for the men who came at him from behind, suddenly they were there shoving a filthy cloth in his mouth and it was impossible for him to do anything except squirm and kick out. He had to watch as Arthur was overcome by the men.

Merlin shot out of bed screaming Arthur’s name.

“Merlin,” Arthur’s hands were on his manservant, trying to calm him. “Merlin, it’s alright,” he tried to sooth. It took him a moment to remember Merlin couldn’t hear him, but the moment he did his hands went into action, petting and running his hand up and down Merlin’s arm, trying to get him to focus on the sensation.

Gaius was in the room a moment later. “What is it? What happened?”

“Nightmare.” Arthur answered instinctively.

Tears were rolling down Merlin’s porcelain face, blanched even whiter with fear left over from the dream. “I got you killed.” Merlin finally managed to get out.

“Merlin,” he wiped his hand down the side of Merlin’s face, “I highly doubt that.”

“They came up behind me I didn’t know they were there… then they… I got you killed, Arthur, don’t you understand that?”

For months Arthur had been wanting to kiss Merlin, and these last few days the desire had been even stronger, his protective instincts screaming to mark his territory. This time he gave into the urge, ever so slightly, and kissed Merlin’s forehead. “You didn’t get me killed. You won’t get me killed,” he promised.

“You don’t know that.” Merlin countered, sadly, a touch of the hysteria from the day before shaking in the back of his voice..

“I know you. And I know me,” Arthur said calmly.

“No!” he screamed trying to throw Arthur and his damned calm off of him. “No. I’m useless. I **can’t** hear!” He struggled against Arthur and the blanket he was under, unable to free himself from either. “Nothing. It’s quiet- everything’s gone! It’s all gone! Gone!” he finished on a sob.

Arthur pushed past Merlin’s struggles and wrapped the man up in his arms holding him tight as he cried.

Gaius appeared at his side with a cup and vial. He set them on the stool beside Merlin’s bed and waited. He wanted to comfort the boy who was like a son to him, but knew Arthur was what Merlin needed right now; he laid a hand on Arthur’s shoulder and gave him a small smile before returning to the outer room.

Merlin cried for hours as Arthur knew he would. His tears were interspersed with thrashing and yelling, fear and frustration finally given an outlet. And all the while Arthur held him, let him beat him and scream and sob into his chest. By the time the sun rose both men were exhausted, their emotions strained and exposed.

Merlin had been crying softly for the better part of three hours and Arthur dared to pull away from him slightly. Puffy red eyes looked up at him. “You look awful,” Merlin’s scratchy voice informed him.

He snorted. “You’re the epitome of beauty yourself at the moment.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You needed it.” He pulled Merlin close again, kissing his head. “You’ll probably need it again,” he whispered sorrowfully, mostly to himself. He waited a few minutes before separating himself once again. “I need to go to my chambers.” He wasn’t sure if Merlin would understand, but given the crestfallen look his face morphed into, he was fairly certain he did.

Merlin’s eyes cast down and he nodded.

“Hey,” he said, lifting Merlin’s chin. “You’re coming with me.”

The young man’s brow furrowed.

“Well, come on,” he stood, ignoring Merlin’s surprised expression. Arthur took the medicine Gaius had left for Merlin earlier and went in search of the physician, while he waited for him to get dressed.

Gaius was at his work bench, looking only slightly better than the two younger men. “Sire,” he greeted questioningly.

Arthur waved Gaius back down onto his bench when he moved to stand.

“How is he?”

“Tired.” He sighed. “But I think he’s better. We’re going to my chambers. Would you be good enough to…” he stifled a yawn.

“I will make your excuses to Uther,” Gaius answered, understanding where the prince was going. “There’s a terribly unpleasant illness going through the lower town right now,” the old man explained with utter conviction and a conspiratorial nod.

“Thank you, Gaius.”

The old physician smiled, “I’ll come by later to check on him.”

Arthur led the way through the familiar paths of hallways and stairs towards his chambers. They had barely made it to the end of the first corridor before Arthur felt Merlin stiffen behind him. He turned to see Merlin’s eyes darting around like a trapped rabbit. A comparison Arthur did not approve of at all. “Merlin,” he called and put his hand on his arm.

Merlin jumped, eyes comically wide, before he realized it was just Arthur. “I can’t… it’s like… Arthur,” he whimpered, shaking his head.

“Come on, Merlin,” he coaxed. “I’ll be with you.”

The young man looked around him as if seeing his surroundings for the first time, shaking his head. It was too much and not enough and it was _wrong_.

Arthur looked at him beseechingly, “For me?”

Merlin looked into Arthur’s caring eyes. He trusted Arthur with his life, with everything, he could trust him to get him to his chambers, such a simple thing that somehow weighed so much. Finally, he took a deep breath and nodded.

“Good. We’ll work on it,” Arthur said as they walked. “You’ll have it down in no time.” Arthur chattered as he guided them the rest of the way, his hand never leaving Merlin’s body, roaming from arm to shoulder to back constantly until they arrived at his rooms. “Sit,” he pointed to his favourite chair. He poured a cup of stale water and mixed Gaius’ potion into it. “Drink, then bed,” he ordered, pointing to his oversized bed. “We both need it.”

Once again Merlin’s eyes got wide as saucers. “Bed?” he squeaked.

“Yes, Merlin, bed, that thing you wake me up in. Most people sleep in them.”

Merlin might not be able to hear, but he recognized Arthur’s ‘you’re being an idiot, so I’m going to be a prat’ mannerisms and could pick out a couple of the words by the shape of Arthur’s mouth and knowing the subject matter. “Most people, _prattish princes_ especially, don’t share them with their manservants!”

Arthur bent forward placing his hands on the arms of the chair, “Are you telling me that you don’t want to share my bed?” Once again he found himself gesturing and over emphasizing his expressions.

Merlin was swallowing hard. Of all the things that had happened in the last day he didn’t expect this to be one of them. “Yes?” he answered more flustered than he cared to admit.

“You don’t?” Arthur shook his head.

“No?”

Arthur chuckled still shaking his head. He held Merlin’s gaze for a moment then pushed forward catching his lips in a soft, tired kiss. He pulled back and licked his lips. “Bed.”

“Okay,” a stunned Merlin replied.

Arthur beamed. “One little kiss and I’ve got you speechless. I should have tried that _ages_ ago.” He grabbed Merlin’s shirt and pulled him up and out of the chair. “Let’s get you into something decent to sleep in.”

Merlin let himself be drug along to the bed and manhandled into one of Arthur’s old tunics; the material was worn and soft making him relax into it like a familiar embrace. Merlin watched Arthur closely as he changed and climbed into bed, settling next to him. “Arthur?”

He rolled onto his side to face Merlin.

“Why?”

“I would have thought it was obvious?”

Merlin just watched him.

Arthur huffed, and traced a finger over Merlin’s face. “Because I almost lost you.”

Long pale fingers wrapped around his wrist pressing Arthur’s wandering hand to his mouth in a timid kiss. “But you didn’t.”

A shiver ran through Arthur’s body at the hesitant touch. “All the more reason to do this.” Sighing, “You’re a stronger man than anyone gives you credit for, including me,” he confessed.

The small smile Merlin had had faded and his eyes ducked down. “Arthur, I can’t… I don’t know what you’re saying.” His voice trembled and his fingers fell from the grip they had on Arthur’s wrist.

Arthur’s hand twisted and caught Merlin’s retreating hand. “I said, I love you.” He used his hold on the other man’s arm to pull Merlin on top of him.

“No you didn’t,” Merlin corrected, a hint of his normal cheekiness coming through.

He ran his fingers through Merlin’s hair, “No, but it’s what I meant.” He tugged his head down and kissed him, slowly, undemanding, and sweet. “I love you.”

Fingers trailed over Arthur’s face, settling to cup his cheek; Merlin resuming and deepening the kiss they’d just shared, exploring Arthur’s mouth and shivering with every moan and little noise of pleasure he made. “Do that again,” Merlin pleaded when they broke the kiss.

“Hmm?” Arthur questioned against Merlin’s lips.

“That,” Merlin moaned. “I… it’s nice,” he panted.

Arthur chuckled and smiled. “Anything you want.” He nuzzled into Merlin’s long neck, licking over a particularly delectable looking patch, preparing to latch onto it and mark Merlin’s marble skin.

Merlin closed his eyes and stretched his neck to give Arthur better access.

Taking the open invitation, Arthur attacked Merlin’s neck, worrying the flesh between his teeth and sucking on it in turns.

Merlin’s mouth formed a silent scream and his fingers clawed against Arthur’s shoulders as he hung on for dear life.

Finally, Arthur released Merlin’s neck, lathing his tongue tenderly over the abused and bruising flesh. “Marked you,” he growled and Merlin mewled at the rumble against his chest. The next moment he was on his back with Arthur pressing down on him. Arthur moved from his neck kissing along the exposed line of his collar bone. His hands searching for skin underneath the light tunic, pushing the material up slowly, until Merlin’s chest was exposed to the air and more importantly Arthur’s mouth.

Merlin let Arthur wash over him, taking in his scent, sweet and musky like autumn leaves, his heavy weight covering him, solid and powerful, muscles tensed and defined, his breath as it dragged and puffed against his skin leaving trails of warmth tingling in its wake. All these sensations overwhelming him, like in the corridors everything seemed new and strange, but this was Arthur, it was welcoming and loving and safe.

Arthur used his lips and tongue to map out the plains of Merlin’s skin, teasing nipples as he explored, licking at his over exposed ribs- he needed to make sure Merlin ate more- nipping at his sharp hips. He loved the taste and texture of Merlin’s pale skin as it passed under his tongue and whispered his pleasure as he went.

Tears pricked behind Merlin’s eyes as he felt puffs of air from Arthur’s breath as he spoke words into his skin. He wanted to know what Arthur was saying wanted to hear the warm timbre of his voice finally saying things he’d only dared dream of. There was nothing he could do but let the tears fall.

He felt the brush of hairs as Arthur pulled himself back up his body kissing his way up from his shoulder to his face, laying kisses on each eyelid before brushing away the tears that had escaped. Nuzzling along his cheek Arthur murmured shh-shing noises until Merlin began to calm and his tears subsided. He smiled a warm, private smile when Merlin opened his eyes. “Beautiful.”

Merlin shuddered and clutched at Arthur, rolling his hips up into Arthur’s. “Please.”

“Merlin,” he panted, trying to hold himself back, he shouldn’t have let himself get this far, not with Merlin in the state he was in.

“Please, Arthur, please.”

The sight of Merlin begging, so desperate and intent, and _wanting_ … it was magnificent. “Mer-” he began, but was cut off by lips on his and a tongue licking, begging entrance to dance and taste. Arthur was lost in the flurry of kisses, deep and passionate and playful all at once. And above it all was a desperate _need_ as if Merlin’s life depended on Arthur, on feeling him and being felt.

Arthur greedily swallowed each and every moan and whimper, realizing Merlin needed this, maybe they both did. Arthur slid his hand behind the pillows to retrieve the small jar of oil he kept there. The familiar scent of fennel and rosemary filled the air, as he poured the oil into his hand letting his body heat warm it before gently pressing a finger against Merlin’s entrance. Slowly, Arthur worked him open, while Merlin cried and pleaded with him for ‘more’ and ‘there’ and ‘gods, Arthur, _please_ ’. Finally, Arthur deemed him ready, he stroked his free hand up and down over Merlin’s chest until Merlin opened his eyes to look at him.

He gasped as Arthur lightly hit a sensitive nipple with his trailing fingers.

“That’s better.” Arthur smiled. “Ready?”

“Arthur,” he choked out in answer.

He pulled his fingers loose of Merlin’s body to spread oil over his aching cock. Propping one leg over his shoulder and balancing himself with his free hand he rubbed across Merlin’s open hole until the head began to slid in like he belonged there.

“oh… Oh…” He was being filled up, so slowly, his body giving way as if some part of him was coming home. He gave one last sharp cry as Arthur was fully sheathed inside him.

Arthur ran his hand over Merlin’s leg, kissing the tender skin just behind his knee. “Merlin, look at me,” he said, a dull pain running through him remembering Merlin couldn’t hear him; he stroked along his face, fingers playing over his closed eyelids trying to get him to open those deep blue eyes. He wanted to see every feeling he was evoking as it played across Merlin’s face and through his eyes.

Merlin nuzzled into the touch, kissing at Arthur’s hand, and opening his eyes to Arthur’s flushed face. He rolled his hips experimenting and encouraging Arthur to move.

Arthur kept his eyes trained on Merlin’s face, “Beautiful.” He thrust slowly, “So beautiful,” purposefully, looking for the right spot to make his Merlin howl, muttering soft endearments all the while.

The intensity and raw passion of Arthur’s love making reawoke the pain Arthur had chased away earlier, and the tears began to once again sting his eyes. Hesitantly they began to escape sliding down Merlin’s face as he watch Arthur’s lips move, knowing words meant only for him were spilling from them; he wanted to close his eyes to the sight, wanted to run away from the emotions bubbling and exploding in him. “Arthur,” he pleaded tearfully reaching for him, trying to pull him to him to hold and bury his head against his burning skin so he wouldn’t have to see the words.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, releasing Merlin’s leg in favour of sliding his arms around his body and pulling them both up, until Merlin was securely in his lap, the change in angle letting him hit that wonderful spot inside him.

Gasping, Merlin clung to Arthur desperation mixing with need.

As he pushed into Merlin with hard steady strokes, he whispered a flow of ‘love you’s and ‘perfect’s and ‘need you’s harsh against his skin, praying to the gods that Merlin would understand the breathy movements.

Merlin let Arthur take him, trusting him to be everything Merlin needed him to be, everything he was. He let himself ride the feelings Arthur was showering him with, the physical pleasure- being so full and stretched and held tightly in strong firm arms, the emotional gambit he was being tossed about- the love and loss and fear. All of it, so much to take in, so much to accept, it was too much… too heavy, too wonderful, too frightening. He let out wrenching cry and sank his teeth into Arthur’s shoulder to ground himself as he came in thick pulsing strings between them.

Arthur held him close, seeing stars as Merlin’s walls clamped down around him and his teeth broke through his skin in a wonderful sensual sting. He rocked into Merlin’s heat cradling him as shocks wracked his body, holding him as if he was the most precious package from the gods, entrusted to his protection and capturing his undying love. Within moments he was filling Merlin with his own hot come.

Arthur eased them back down onto the bed never releasing his tight hold on Merlin. “Merlin?” he asked, trying to see his lover’s face, finally unwinding one hand to lift Merlin’s chin. “Merlin?”

He was crying, body shaking with something other than the aftershocks of love-making. Merlin shook his head pushing his face into the pillow of Arthur’s shoulder.

Arthur ran his fingers through Merlin’s rumpled hair as he’d been doing so often the past day, wishing he could take Merlin’s pain, anything to keep Merlin from having to go through this. With a sigh he kissed Merlin’s head and closed his eyes, it would be the first of many times he would hold Merlin like this as he tried to urge the young man into sleep or into wakefulness or just to face the day. But he would be there every time at every turn.


End file.
